Taking responsibility for your own happiness
Do you know where the power lies?
It starts and ends with you
–The 11th Hour by Rancid
When I get the chance to speak with people face to face about changing their lives I end up hearing a lot of responses that start with, “That makes a lot of sense but…”. Its usually followed by the phrase “I have to have/do/be/work/etc” and this is followed up by “so I can pay rent/provide for family/be successful/etc”. Its like Madlibs. There are the blanks - insert excuse here - insert justification here - insert misery for eternity.
Well they are right about one thing - there is a blank they have to fill in. The caption for that blank reads “your life”. It can be absolutely anything you want it to be and if you are not happy with it at any given point you can change it right then. I’ll use myself as an example of this. There was a time in my past when just after I finished school I was working at a job where I was absolutely miserable. I dreaded waking up each morning and my favorite thing to check online was the weather report (come on snow…). It was awful but having just graduated I only had enough money to pay my expenses for one month. I “needed” the job otherwise I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent. Everyone I talked to said, “well just stick it out a little longer. Work there even though you hate it while you search for something else.” And do you know what I did - I quit. There is no situation that absolutely requires you to stay in it - society may tell you you have to, but the truth is if you really want to change you can do it at any time. What happened then? I struggled and scrambled to make ends meet and sure it sucked eating top ramen every meal for awhile, but it was so worth it to not be miserable every day. Knowing that I was going to change my life immediately made me a happier person. Poor for the time being, but so much happier. Having all that free time allowed me to find a new job elsewhere which was far better, and it was during that time that I learned the lesson that in the future I was going to need to work for myself.
You are responsible for your own happiness. If there is something in your life causing you pain then only you can fix it. If you don’t like the person you are now then you are responsible for changing. If when you envision your ideal self and then say “but I can’t” then you are forsaking responsibility and willingly making yourself a victim. If you really want something there are no true barriers - hardships yes, but you can endure temporary hardships a lot easier than a life of unfulfilled dreams.
“I need this job to pay the rent.” - You can do temporary work to pay the rent while you build the foundation for a business that will something you are truly passionate about.
“I need to stay with my girlfriend/boyfriend because they need me.” - If someone isn’t complete by themselves then its a hole that no other person should be responsible for filling. You can leave them and until you do you’re going to be resentful.
“But I have to provide for my family.” - Having a job that can end at any second your boss says the two little words “you’re fired” is not security for your family. Go start your own business and be happier both doing something you love and providing far more security for your loved ones.
“But I’m scared.” - We’re all scared sometimes. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it.
“But I might fail.” - Yes you might. But its better to fail than to wonder what could have been. And if you fail then so what - the great part is that you get to try again.
“Do you know where the power lies? It starts and ends with you.”
Tags: change, happiness, Lifestyle, responsibility
February 24th, 2008 at 5:27 am
[…] presents Taking responsibility for your own happiness posted at Life is your Career. We are all responsible for our own hapiness. Stop waiting for the […]
February 24th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
For so many years I have taken responsiblilty for everyone elses happiness and wellbeing having married at 17 yrs. old (yes young and crazy but at 58 now and still married to the same man all of these years) and started having children at 18 yrs. old (yes even crazier but I wouldn’t trade one moment of it) I don’t know how to take responsibility for myself and my own happiness. The children are grown and out on their own, the husband is wrapping up his career looking forward to retirement and me well I just am. My happiness..my life..has been my family and if asked what makes me happy that’s what I say..if asked what I enjoy doing if it doesn’t involve family I am lost for an answer…I take responsbility for that.
February 25th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Hi Casey,
Thanks for your reply. Having our own happiness tied into the lives of others is something that happens a lot. As parents and spouses we look out for the happiness of those closest to us, and as children we feel guilty for not being happy… knowing how it effects our parents. It’s a tricky process finding out where our own happiness comes from sometimes. But it can be a fun process to descover those things that are unique to ourselves. Like you say your taking responsibility and your eyes are open… thats very admirable!
Here’s wishing you all the best!
– Matt
March 9th, 2008 at 1:18 am
[…] presents Taking responsibility for your own happiness posted at Life is your […]
April 4th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Could not agee with you more..
April 21st, 2008 at 6:43 pm
I could not agree more. Lots of people say that they are not happy for their current situation because they don’t have the means for living…my thought…hey aren’t you happy enough that still you are living now despite of your situation? If only we learn to appreciate little things given by God, every person in this world are contented and happy.
-Jan
May 8th, 2008 at 11:51 am
I hear it everyday…”I hate this place…I can’t believe this is where I am at my age…where’s the money…? “How am I supposed to live like this…?…I haven’t had a pay raise…nobody else works this much…” You know the dialogue…I’ve been guilty of it myself!
Here’s my philosophy on this…at least as it relates to the workplace, and perhaps as it translates to the whole life experience:
Everytime you cash a paycheck, you are announcing loud and clear (at least to yourself) that this is the best damned job on the planet for you. Now, before you get all worked up with the two-hundred twenty two reasons why you’re “stuck” there…just consider this. You cash the check, spend the money, and report back the next workday to do it all over again.
You might argue that, “wait a minute…I’ve been sending out resumes…scheduling interviews…making every effort to change…” Good job…keep it up…go for it…but….really…no one is trying to hire you away fron your disaster job…no offers have been MORE attractive…no one is saying “here you go…the perfect job…” Or at least you haven’t accepted that better position. So how does that define the job you’re doing right now..? I want to suggest that it means you are there! You are in the job that, at this time…in this place, and considering all that you are willing to sacrifice for change, represents the BEST place for you.
If you can’t do any more than complain, behave in a disruntled manner, negatively influence co-workers with your plight…while all along running to the bank with your paycheck…then you are really in conflict with you. You’re fighting with yourself…and you’re blaming the environment within which you currently survive for not having the good sense to take better care of you.
Happiness…it’s relative. There is no perfect job…no one is going to love you like you love yourself (save your creator) and therefore, your “happiness” depends on your attitude about the place you are in…not the one you think would be better…not the “if only” circumstance…not me, not your spouse, not your kids, and for goodness sake, not your co-workers.
Decide to love yourself right now…love your circumstance…the one you’re in…and change it if it doesn’t light you up! If you will not, perceive you cannot, or accept your “traptness” in this life….well….you’re the mason that built the walls….RIP ‘EM DOWN!