Life is your Career

Raindrops on roses
Happy Disney animals
This makes my parts hurt
       – Chuck Palahniuk

One of the great tragedies of modern people is their contact with the popular portrayal of romance in movies, television, and literature. The standard view on what out relationships and marriages are supposed to be like are shaped by romantic comedies and situational drama shows. All the problems you could possibly experience fit neatly into a 30 minute window - even leaving time for commercials! When we grow up surrounded by this portrayal of romance it’s no wonder that many people find themselves disillusioned in their marriages. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce now, and that’s not even counting the people who are miserable but feel stuck in the marriage and condemn themselves to eternal suffering.

Think of the plot of any popular romantic comedy you’ve seen recently. Usually there is a standard formula known as the MLG plot structure. That stands for meets, loses, gets. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl. That sums up every romantic comedy I can think of off the top of my head. At the end of the movie after working out their differences through an amusing series of coincidences they live happily ever after and with big smiles on their faces they ride off into the sunset. That’s how marriage works right? Once you put the ring on your finger all the little problems you used to have to deal with go away right?

The truth is that there is no perfect partnership. It’s always going to take work. Often at the start of a relationship it can seem like two people are perfect for each other and alike in every way. That’s normal to think that. It’s called New Relationship Energy and it’s the excitement that comes along with having a new partner in your life. It’s normal to paint a picture of them as your ideal and to minimize differences you might have and to take more notice of real or perceived similarities. It’s what we as humans do. However as time goes on that New Relationship Energy starts to wear off, and unlike in the movies it’s going to take work to keep the relationship alive. That doesn’t mean the relationship is bad or flawed… it’s just how things are in the real world.

Take a look at the second part of that classic romantic literature formula again. “Boy lose girl”. To weave a good yarn there has to be some element of conflict. Some unlikely coincidence, misunderstanding, or temporary set backs cause the future happy couple to have troubles and likely split. However soon to come along is the finale of “boy gets girl” to fix everything. However in real life this isn’t always the case. Sometimes there are problems, and then it’s the end. No fixing, no making up, no happily ever after. It’s unfortunate but not every relationship is built to last. The key lies in knowing that and knowing when to end something. I often have friends tell me, “well I’ve put so much time in already I don’t want to throw it all away”.  This is foolish. Think about what it is really saying. “Well I’ve spent years being unhappy…. why stop now?” Sometimes relationships have unreconcilable problems and in ending it you are not giving up anything. In deed at that point there is nothing left to give up. Unhappiness is not something to cling too.

The unrealistic expectations that modern society has leads to a lot of discord and paucity of happiness in our romantic lives. Not every relationship has to end in marriage for it to have been a good experience. The best advice I ever had was that relationships will seek their own level. Do the things you enjoy together and fun and when you are no longer happy with each other have the courage to put and end to it. Life isn’t a Disney movie, but it doesn’t have to be - having fun along the way beats a happy ending any day in my book.

I’m holding 3 bindles of bullshit
And you’re buying them cause you are addicted
To the pure and totally uncut
         –60% by NOFX

TV is addicting no way around it. In my previous article I talked a bit about some of the negative aspects of watching television. I’ve been thinking of more and more reasons over the past week or so, but instead of listing more reasons to stop watching (or at least cut back) let’s look at some ways that might help us give up TV.

Stop reading TV guides or magazines related to TV shows. If you don’t know when the show is on then you can’t watch it. And if you don’t know when the show is on then you can’t feel the lure of the TV. In addition the less you’re reading about the shows the less time you’re spending thinking about them in general. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but that’s only true in the short term. After awhile of not following a show closely you begin to lose interest. I was like that when I was in the process of giving up television - I’d absolutely love a show (heck I named my cat Jack after the main character in the show 24) but after missing it for a month or so… I no longer had a desire to get back into it. At least the desire to watch the show wasn’t as strong as the desire to keep up with the new activities I’d taken up in my new found free time.

Don’t talk about TV with your friends and co-workers. Like the above point the less you know about the false realities in TV shows the better. We’re all interesting people with great stories to tell - we don’t need to resort to discussing television with our friends. And if you’re watching less and less TV you’re going to be having much more interesting things to talk about. While the other co-workers discuss American Idol you can talk about the new mountain biking trail you found.

Out of sight, out of mind. If you can get that TV somewhere that you aren’t always around it then that’s a big step. I know a lot of people have families and that other members will like to watch TV, but even in that case you can make steps in this direction. Only have one TV and keep it in a place like the living room. There is no need to have a TV in the living room, a TV in the bedroom, and a TV in the kitchen. If you can’t escape it then of course you can’t give it up. If you can get the TV out of the house all the better, but if not at least get yourself in another part of your place when possible.

Don’t go right home after work. This is a big one. Going right back to your home after a day of work when you have nothing to do at home but watch TV is a baaaad idea. That’s like someone who is trying to give up drinking going straight to the bar to “just hang out”. Ya… good luck. Start doing other activities that replace the time you spent sitting in front of your television. A personal favorite is going to the bookstore and using it as a library. Go to the park. Take a class. But until you’re used to not watching TV don’t tempt yourself by being around them when you have nothing better to do.

Replace the time. The last point included this idea, but let me re-state it here because not only does it help you in giving up TV but it’s also the biggest benefit. You have so much time that will no longer be spent watching television, so think of all the things you’ve always said, “I don’t have time for that” and start trying them out. Nothing makes you forget TV faster than having something better to be doing.