Relationships and romantic comedies
Raindrops on roses
Happy Disney animals
This makes my parts hurt
– Chuck Palahniuk
One of the great tragedies of modern people is their contact with the popular portrayal of romance in movies, television, and literature. The standard view on what out relationships and marriages are supposed to be like are shaped by romantic comedies and situational drama shows. All the problems you could possibly experience fit neatly into a 30 minute window - even leaving time for commercials! When we grow up surrounded by this portrayal of romance it’s no wonder that many people find themselves disillusioned in their marriages. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce now, and that’s not even counting the people who are miserable but feel stuck in the marriage and condemn themselves to eternal suffering.
Think of the plot of any popular romantic comedy you’ve seen recently. Usually there is a standard formula known as the MLG plot structure. That stands for meets, loses, gets. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl. That sums up every romantic comedy I can think of off the top of my head. At the end of the movie after working out their differences through an amusing series of coincidences they live happily ever after and with big smiles on their faces they ride off into the sunset. That’s how marriage works right? Once you put the ring on your finger all the little problems you used to have to deal with go away right?
The truth is that there is no perfect partnership. It’s always going to take work. Often at the start of a relationship it can seem like two people are perfect for each other and alike in every way. That’s normal to think that. It’s called New Relationship Energy and it’s the excitement that comes along with having a new partner in your life. It’s normal to paint a picture of them as your ideal and to minimize differences you might have and to take more notice of real or perceived similarities. It’s what we as humans do. However as time goes on that New Relationship Energy starts to wear off, and unlike in the movies it’s going to take work to keep the relationship alive. That doesn’t mean the relationship is bad or flawed… it’s just how things are in the real world.
Take a look at the second part of that classic romantic literature formula again. “Boy lose girl”. To weave a good yarn there has to be some element of conflict. Some unlikely coincidence, misunderstanding, or temporary set backs cause the future happy couple to have troubles and likely split. However soon to come along is the finale of “boy gets girl” to fix everything. However in real life this isn’t always the case. Sometimes there are problems, and then it’s the end. No fixing, no making up, no happily ever after. It’s unfortunate but not every relationship is built to last. The key lies in knowing that and knowing when to end something. I often have friends tell me, “well I’ve put so much time in already I don’t want to throw it all away”. This is foolish. Think about what it is really saying. “Well I’ve spent years being unhappy…. why stop now?” Sometimes relationships have unreconcilable problems and in ending it you are not giving up anything. In deed at that point there is nothing left to give up. Unhappiness is not something to cling too.
The unrealistic expectations that modern society has leads to a lot of discord and paucity of happiness in our romantic lives. Not every relationship has to end in marriage for it to have been a good experience. The best advice I ever had was that relationships will seek their own level. Do the things you enjoy together and fun and when you are no longer happy with each other have the courage to put and end to it. Life isn’t a Disney movie, but it doesn’t have to be - having fun along the way beats a happy ending any day in my book.
Tags: Lifestyle, relationships, TV
