Life is your Career

Raindrops on roses
Happy Disney animals
This makes my parts hurt
       – Chuck Palahniuk

One of the great tragedies of modern people is their contact with the popular portrayal of romance in movies, television, and literature. The standard view on what out relationships and marriages are supposed to be like are shaped by romantic comedies and situational drama shows. All the problems you could possibly experience fit neatly into a 30 minute window - even leaving time for commercials! When we grow up surrounded by this portrayal of romance it’s no wonder that many people find themselves disillusioned in their marriages. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce now, and that’s not even counting the people who are miserable but feel stuck in the marriage and condemn themselves to eternal suffering.

Think of the plot of any popular romantic comedy you’ve seen recently. Usually there is a standard formula known as the MLG plot structure. That stands for meets, loses, gets. Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl. That sums up every romantic comedy I can think of off the top of my head. At the end of the movie after working out their differences through an amusing series of coincidences they live happily ever after and with big smiles on their faces they ride off into the sunset. That’s how marriage works right? Once you put the ring on your finger all the little problems you used to have to deal with go away right?

The truth is that there is no perfect partnership. It’s always going to take work. Often at the start of a relationship it can seem like two people are perfect for each other and alike in every way. That’s normal to think that. It’s called New Relationship Energy and it’s the excitement that comes along with having a new partner in your life. It’s normal to paint a picture of them as your ideal and to minimize differences you might have and to take more notice of real or perceived similarities. It’s what we as humans do. However as time goes on that New Relationship Energy starts to wear off, and unlike in the movies it’s going to take work to keep the relationship alive. That doesn’t mean the relationship is bad or flawed… it’s just how things are in the real world.

Take a look at the second part of that classic romantic literature formula again. “Boy lose girl”. To weave a good yarn there has to be some element of conflict. Some unlikely coincidence, misunderstanding, or temporary set backs cause the future happy couple to have troubles and likely split. However soon to come along is the finale of “boy gets girl” to fix everything. However in real life this isn’t always the case. Sometimes there are problems, and then it’s the end. No fixing, no making up, no happily ever after. It’s unfortunate but not every relationship is built to last. The key lies in knowing that and knowing when to end something. I often have friends tell me, “well I’ve put so much time in already I don’t want to throw it all away”.  This is foolish. Think about what it is really saying. “Well I’ve spent years being unhappy…. why stop now?” Sometimes relationships have unreconcilable problems and in ending it you are not giving up anything. In deed at that point there is nothing left to give up. Unhappiness is not something to cling too.

The unrealistic expectations that modern society has leads to a lot of discord and paucity of happiness in our romantic lives. Not every relationship has to end in marriage for it to have been a good experience. The best advice I ever had was that relationships will seek their own level. Do the things you enjoy together and fun and when you are no longer happy with each other have the courage to put and end to it. Life isn’t a Disney movie, but it doesn’t have to be - having fun along the way beats a happy ending any day in my book.

Don’t tell me you’ve got the answer cause then another one will come along soon
        –The Answer by Bad Religion

We live in a society that is enamoured with the idea of shortcuts. If there is a quicker, easier way to do something then that’s what people want. Lose 10 pounds in a week! Make $10,000 a month from your home! Meet the spouse of your dreams in 5 easy steps! The headlines of our instant gratification society call out and pander to the desire for the easy solution. Even when something is not obviously a sales pitch, it often ends up making some out as being easier than it really is. Take blogging for example. I’ve read tons of articles on how easy it is to blog and make a living through it. Now I’m not interested in making a living from blogging, but I do enjoy refining my writing skill and from hearing my readers thoughts and learning from them. However there is no way that blogging is easy. Writing one article is no problem, but continually writing interesting posts as well as all the web site skills takes a lot of work. There is no simple quick fix to it. It’s not an easy solution.

This is how all things in life are. If you want something then you are going to have to work hard for it. A minimum of effort usually ends up leading to a minimum of results. And as for those easy solutions that people are always trying to sell us… if there was one that really worked don’t you think that everyone would already be doing it? The hair replacement ads are my favorite… if someone came up with an effective way to regrow hair then that person would be a multi-millionaire and everyone would want that product. But the easy solution is again just smoke, mirrors, and marketing.

So what does this mean if there is no easy solution? It means that we have to be prepared to give our all if we really want to accomplish a goal. If you want to excel at a sport then be prepared to practice for hours and hours. If you want to start you own business then be prepared for the hard work you’ll need to put in. If you want to meet new and exciting people you have to be ready to step outside of your comfort zone. It also means that in life it is difficult to be a jack of all trades. If you do everything reasonably well then you’ll be faced with a large amount of competition that can do it better than you. However if you avoid looking for easy solutions and pick one thing about which you are truly passionate, then you can put in the hard work needed to excel. It’s through excellence that we gain happiness and achieve our goals.

There is always going to be another quick way to better yourself that someone is pushing. But next time you see one of these, think back on other easy solutions you’ve tried. How did it go? How did you feel? I always felt frustrated when I didn’t get the results I was promised and that had seemed to simple. That’s the truth about what we get by taking the easy way out - frustration. So do some soul searching and pick a few things to be great at and start the hard work of doing what is necessary to be your best self.