Life is your Career

There were only a few things that really belonged to me
Who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.
          –Kids and Heroes by The Bouncing Souls
Subjective reality is an interesting concept. It’s the idea that the reality we experience is a reflection of our inner beliefs. This is the complete opposite of the way most people view the world. They view the world as something that has defined laws and we must conform to those rules. This is what is called an “objective reality”. It makes sense right? There are things that we can’t change - touch a stove and get burned for example. Much of the world around us is very objective and what we don’t learn first hand we are taught by others. We accept what the world gives us and learn to live around it.

However, not all of life is objective. The person you are, the qualities you espouse, what you make of yourself - all these things are components of a subjective reality. You can will yourself to change. The phrase “fake it until you make it” can be used but it’s not quite all inclusive of this powerful concept. If you truly believe something then you will subconsciously start to manifest that and in turn the rest of the so called “objective” world will reflect it back to you. Ever notice how it is the most confident guys who seem to do the best in dating? It’s not because they are using some secret trick… they just fully expect that they will have success because in their minds, “why wouldn’t they?” They are creating a subjective reality and the world is reflecting back that which they already know to be true.

So how do you start using this subject reality idea to be your best self? Well first and foremost you have to be congruent with what you want. Your idea of what you want to become has to be something you really really want. Not just a, “well maybe I could be” or a “I think I might kinda want this….” Your image of your best self have to be something that you know deep inside is your essential character and deeply important to you. With that congruent idea of what you want to be you can start consciously thinking about it while you perform tasks and deal with people. Ask yourself, “how would the ideal me handle this?” At first it can feel weird to be thinking through all your actions, but in time it becomes second nature and you begin to manifest your own subjective reality. You have your concept of who you want to be and by force of will you make it happen.

When you are congruent and manifesting your desires in your own actions, the rest of the world will start to reflect your own beliefs about your self back to you. When you perform the actions of a confident person people will treat you as such. It’s a cycle and by working hard at starting it, the world will reinforce it and it will be true in both subjective and objective reality.

It’s a continuous process and I’m always thinking about how I can move towards my ideal self. I take a bit of time to myself and think what qualities I’m manifesting right now. What do I want to keep? What do I want to remove? What would I like to add? For instance I want to be a person who is a person of action rather than one who is just all talk. I focus on that and work towards that goal in the choices I make, in time this will become more and more a part of me. It’s a weird feeling to have the power to change yourself and while it can be hard at the start (we all slip up from time to time) it gets to be a great feeling. When you start naturally behaving like your best self it’s very rewarding.

“You waste your time with losers if you get stuck in a rock-n-roll band”
Do you find it more rewarding to work with morons throughout the land?
         –What can you do by Bad Religion

There are always going to be naysayers out there who tell you something can’t be done or that you’re making a mistake. If you try to start your own business they are going to tell you how most new businesses fail. If you are going to move they will question you about how are you going to manage to find a place to live and how will you work. If your going to cut your hair they will say, “are you sure that will look good?” These naysayers are everywhere are at times it can be hard to follow your own path and keep your own council when there are voices of skepticism and doubt coming from all corners.

You are responsible for your own happiness. If you know that you want something out of your life that only you can do it. If other people doubt you then to hell with them… just because they say it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go for it anyways. Learning to live our own lives requires us to be able to set our own ideas and desires aside from those of society and the people around us. In the end only we know what is truly best for ourselves. If I feel being in a rock band (if only I could sing!) is the fulfillment of my dreams then there is no reason anyone else can give me that would outweigh my own desires. The worst feeling of all is wanting something, but not going for it because you’re too scared of what other people will think.

The naysayers will always be there. I like to call that group of people “The Sucks”. Just because they suck at something and can’t do it themselves, they don’t want to admit that anyone else could do it. Just because they are too scared to try and make a drastic change in their lives, they feel no one else should either. They don’t just suck at individual things… they suck at life. The people you want to surround yourself with are not these naysayers but instead the people you’ve seen have dreams, make plans, and then accomplish what they set out to do. We want to be surrounded by enablers.

A lot of people do weird stuff with their lives that we can never understand. I went to a rock quarry about a year ago to help a friend build a path in her garden. While at the quarry we asked for help from this 60 year old man who owned the place and we ended up with a two hour long lecture on slate and all the little tiny details you never would have thought about it. This guy had dedicated his whole life to rocks… I think it’s weird, but I also think that guy is awesome for going after what he was into. My own hobby is mountaineering and to many people that seems ridiculous and horribly dangerous. Why do I climb mountains? The flip answer would be, “if you have to ask then you couldn’t understand”, but the truer one would be “because it makes me feel alive.” I love it and when I’m on the mountain all the rest of the world goes away. I don’t think about work. I don’t think about getting an oil change for my car. I don’t think about paying the bills. I don’t think about ties. It all goes away and I’m completely in the moment and terribly alive. It’s amazing, and even though I get to hear that I’m crazy on a weekly basis, I won’t give it up - because it matters to me and in the end that’s what counts.

So ignore the naysayers. Do what you love. Take up a new hobby. Move to a new city. Start your own business. Keep your own council and don’t wait to hear the advice of others before making your choice. Know what you want and go for it.